Feb/March 2024 Updates

05/03/2024

I haven't been posting much, because i'm going through it, but i'm stil here. It's bad enough that I at least have been put back on supported living and don't have to go through the hell gauntlet of job searching for a bit. I've got back into coding and game dev just to have something to do. I'll still update the site when I can. This index page needs mobile adjustments and I'd like to properly index posts as a hyperlink like a blogspot or tumblr rather that being entirely maintained in the code of this index page.

-Miles

Already running out of title ideas

23/01/2024

I probably should thought about making titles optional when I set the blog up, oh well. Tonight I'm going out for dinner for my best friend's birthday, now we're both 30 which still feels weird. I don't know there's a degree of adulthood that feels made up, she's lecturing at my old university now, and I don't really know what I'm up to. Getting back into neopets and coding this website I guess. Not exactly self-sustaining stuff. Oh well, I hope something comes up soon.

-Miles

Still here.

17/01/2024

I haven't felt like writing much here. I'm in a depressive episode and I don't have a lot of energy for like being a human being. It's also way too hot and we have builders working on the roof so I've been pretty overstimulated. I don't have much to say, I'm back to job hunting and it makes me feel like an alien when an admin job has twelve other jobs tacked onto it and still only pays 25/hr. I don't know how to even talk to job people anymore, winz wants me to take an 8 week course to make a cv they've already okayed to get no job because no one wants to hire someone crazy who can't drive. It's exhausting trying to find creativity in a pit of nothing, and It's been years since i've been able to get good teaching work. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.
Don't worry i'm not in any danger I'm just tired and empty and I don't have anywhere else to complain.

-Miles

Thirty.

09/01/2024

I'm thirty now, kind of weird to think about for very long. Being alive is a lot of work, and I don't think the alternative is any better. A lot of me is disappointed that i'm thirty and I haven't left my parents house or done any of the milestone things I expected. This year I just want to get some work, so I can keep taking my meds, dealing with winz is soulcrushing and I've applied to so many places with no contact I'm starting to think its my fault.

I had a nice day yesterday at least, I went out to dinner with family.

I've been hoping to run this more as the old blog style of e-journals, I don't mind if people read it but this is intended much less coherent than a blog or narrative.

I don't make resolutions, I find them useless in long-term planning, but I do have New Year Suggestions, stuff i'd like to at least try in 2024.

This year I want to get better quality sleep, I haven't decided on testosterone yet, I still need to prioritise my psych meds. I'd like a job with a living wage that doesn't make me ill. I'd like to spend more time with my friends. Spend less time on the parts of the internet that make me miserable or upset, and either manage current amount of mood swings or get more medication. I'd like to stress less when I don't write things. I'd like to be kinder to myself and others.



-Miles

Back Home, Mobile Issues.

06/01/2024

I'm back home again, much more relaxed and feeling a little more sane. Despite trying to keep my code responsive it's completely fucked on mobile. I'd rather set up a mobile version of the site than try and warp the desktop set up to fit. I'm still working on Disco at the End of Time, but I haven't being writing much over the break, and it's my birthday on monday so I'll try and get back to it after that.

- Miles.

Still Chuggin'

02/01/2024

Happy This Year by the Mountain Goats season to all who celebrate. I don't have much to add i'll be back home on the 4th.

-Miles.

A Very Gregorian New Year

31/12/2023

Happy New Year and Shavuah Tov,
may this one be 365 days long and survivable. I feel like anything else is pushing it. No resolutions, I just want to live. I love you all.

-Miles.

Shabbat Shalom

29/12/2023

Hi, I'm not going to be around on shabbos have a good one. I managed to fix the art page with the help of a codepen user's code, I've linked to her account on the page but I need to remember to update the credits.

I feel like none of these blog posts are particularly insightful but to be honest, tumblr is just filled with a mix of antisemitism, barefaced nationalism and anti-arab racism I want nothing to do with it right now, I'm not well enough to actively call it out either. So cowardly as it is, I'm avoiding social media so I don't have to be constantly doling out high-emotional labour opinions under fear of harrassment. I've had two psychotic episodes since october, it eventually became untenable and I decided to get off social media. This is my venty little outlet here.

Things have been bad IRL my relationship broke up in September, then October happened and with the arson attempt, and bomb threats and in person antisemitism mixed with other Jews in my own community saying absolutely atrocious nationalist shit, and I don't want to spend my time on it anymore. I know people who were lost on Oct 7th and I am not minimising those events and the epigenetic response they triggered in many of us, but the response to a pogrom should never be a massacre, and you cannot justify the killings as being anti-hamas when every civillian you kill gets retroactively written off as such even your own countrymen and hostages. The state is to blinded by power and nationalism, as is the nature of every state under capitalism.

Obviously, a lot of this comes from the denial of collective post-holocaust trauma, and the skyrocketing antisemitism in leftist spaces does nothing to put me at ease, but an individual lashing out due to trauma is one thing, an individual does not have the backing of a military-police industrial complex behind them, and while I vehemently denounce holocaust inversions that every goyische leftist loves to fling, I don't think the Nakba was any less traumatic so using the Shoah as justification means nothing. Yes we deserve to be safe from antisemitism, but we aren't and we won't ever be if we run into the arms of every Amalek that promises easy answers, and we aren't going to achieve safety by killing and evicting others.

We protect us, a people, not a state, not an army.

May we find some peace this shabbat and may we soon know real actual practical peace and aid in Gaza and the West Bank, may the warmongers and profiteers in Medinat Yisrael see true accountability for their actions. I will be Am Yisrael for the rest of my life and I am proud of that, but I don't need a temple, I don't need a government or a state to decide that. I only want peace in the region, acess to holy sites for all faiths and reparations for the people of Palestine. May the olive groves grow strong again where there once was ash, may walls and borders be torn down, we cannot bring back the dead but we can continue on in their memories.

Sorry for the bummer post, but anyway gut shabbos and jummah mubarak!
-Miles.

Summer Break

27/12/2023

I'm away for a break over summer, but I have my laptop and I plan to keep plugging away here. Hopefully I can put some photos up too! It's very pretty here. The moon was huge and orange tonight. -Miles.

Shavuah Tov

24/12/2023

I forgot to get an entry in before Shabbos but we were super busy on Friday. I'm still plugging away at this site. I haven't been doing much else because it's too hot, and I'm tired. I probably won't update Disco at the End of Time before I go away. If you celebrate Xmas have a good one and if you're observing Nittelnacht start caffinating now. I hope this rain will cool us down. -Miles

Neopets and general Netstalgia

20/12/2023

Getting back into css and html coding hs made me so nostalgic for neopets that I went, back. Some of the core stuff is still there but the death of flash and general investor incompetence has gutted the place. There's still people on the boards willing to help you with quests, and all the dailies sites are still up and still running, but the new garish site layout kind of misses the simplicity of the original site. Yes it was an advertising hellscape but it was so text based and simple

I think I made my fist neoepts account in 2001 when I was six or seven, my mum (also autistic) tried to keep me away from the pet site craze because she rightly guessed she'd not get me off the family computer otherwise. Then we went to visit my family in the Uk and my much older cousin Ash wanted to show me this cool website his mate Adam from Uni had set up with his girlfriend. Yes, he was talking about that Adam. it's probably on of the nichest claims to fame within my family except for the time my Mum got to interview Margaret Atwood for the release of the Handmaid's Tale novel (what's the consensus on her these days anyway did she actually end up being a terf or was that a misunderstanding?)

I think my original account got blasted decades ago in the many neo-purges. Still I remember my account name was my full legal birthname for some insane reason, I guess at seven I hadn't started internet safety classes at school yet.
Anyway, what a fun time to be on the internet.
-Miles

Introduction

19/12/2023

Hi, as the the website says my name is Miles (he/him, they/them, or ia) I'm a nearly thirty year old transmasc, and I live in Aotearoa New Zealand. I trained as an ESOL teacher with a background in Linguistics and Education, particularly Youth Liberation and Education Reform. I'm very autistic very Jewish and I love Kermit the frog. Right now I'm learning HTML and CSS with a view to get back into more substantial code, I have been very much hyperfixating on the website as you can probably tell, but it's keeping me busy which is probably what my brain needs right now.
I'm working on getting an email set up for this site, if you see any of my graphics that don't have attribution please let me know I care very much about crediting the right people but I used some gifs from the Web Archive search whose original sources are no more unfortunately there's not much I can do there it doesn't seem possible to wayback the archive itself.

Have a good day
-Miles

Eepy Deepy

18/12/2023

I was going to write a proper intro post but then I got like three and a half hours sleep and now I barely remember English.

Don't take ADHD meds after 12pm folks. They were fighting melatonin and night meds like giant kaiju.
Have a good day
-M.

Welcome to my Website!

17/12/2023

Hi and thanks for visiting! Check out the sitemap if you need help getting around I'm re-learning html and css as an adult, I used to do web design for fun as a kid, neopets pages and the like and I'm getting back into it but stuff has changed since Microsoft FrontPage and pet pages, so I apologise for any jank while I get the site up and running.I've been having a lot of fun setting this place up! I see Lissa Explains Html is still around G-d bless her.

Neopets pages and the web archive are good sources for those who weren't alive for the actual yesterweb experience. I miss fansites so much, the internet these days feels like it wasn't made for people, but for capital. There are things from the earlyweb I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, It was much easier to see life-ruining gore and violence, but it felt less hostile to use (the web - not web users people have been dicks online since the 70s)

If you're a Millenial or older gen Z and you want to feel the vibes I reccommend this video by hazel on youtube, on her favourite old anime and games fansites. I used to frequent the pokemon and ace attorney ones too.

-Miles.